A Wedding Officiant’s Guide to Navigating Ceremonial Traditions with Modern Couples
For couples navigating the fine line between tradition and personal expression on their wedding day, finding the right officiant can be the key to creating a ceremony that feels both meaningful and authentic.
Joanna Miller, the heart behind Married by Miller, has made it her mission to help couples craft ceremonies that respect age-old customs while embracing modern values. In our interview with Joanna, she shares her expert insights on incorporating wedding ceremony traditions in a way that resonates with today’s couples, offering a wealth of advice for engaged partners ready to tie the knot.
Embracing Tradition, but Making It Modern
Balancing tradition with the contemporary desires of modern couples is a key aspect of Joanna Miller’s approach. “My ceremonies are a balance of traditional and modern, as it’s the best way to authentically honour the couple while also recognizing the family members who helped shape them,” she explains. This thoughtful blend allows couples to respect their heritage without feeling confined to outdated rituals.
Common traditional elements—like having guests stand for the bride, or using classic vows—remain staples in her ceremonies. Yet, Joanna offers updates, like avoiding phrases such as “Mr and Mrs X” or bypassing gendered language altogether, unless specifically requested by the couple. These adjustments ensure that wedding ceremony traditions evolve alongside society, reflecting the personal values of each couple.
Personalizing Ceremonies for Unique Relationships
One of Joanna’s strengths is her ability to craft ceremonies that truly reflect each couple’s unique journey. With two different service tiers, couples can choose between a written survey-based approach or a deeply immersive “love story interview,” where she captures their story in rich detail.
“My ceremonies are very collaborative, so couples get the final say on what gets shared and how,” she says. In some memorable examples, she has incorporated multiple languages to accommodate bilingual families, translating key sections of the ceremony or even including a poem in the couple's native tongue. This personalized touch ensures that all guests, regardless of language barriers, feel included in the celebration of love.
Navigating Cultural and Religious Differences
Planning a wedding with multiple cultural or religious influences can be daunting, but Joanna has seen the beauty that arises when different traditions come together. “The biggest challenge is usually around language,” she notes, often providing translated copies of ceremonies or incorporating bilingual elements.
Another challenge arises when parents or family members don’t support the union, a painful reality she’s faced with compassion. In these cases, she focuses on honouring the couple’s future rather than their past, using rituals like breaking a glass, a Jewish tradition, alongside exchanging gold coins, a Spanish and Mexican-Catholic ritual. “There’s no point trying to hide or ignore these differences, so we ought to celebrate and learn about them!” she adds.
Adapting to the Shift Towards Non-Traditional Weddings
As weddings become less formal, Joanna has embraced a more relaxed and collaborative officiating style. “Most of my couples haven’t thought about what they want in their ceremony, so I see it as my job to give them options but not make the final call,” she explains. While she ensures couples feel empowered, she also believes in staying on script to avoid the risk of saying anything inappropriate.
“I stick to the script and only ad lib if there’s a surprise, like a loud noise or unpredictable animal,” she says. This approach allows her to create ceremonies that feel both personal and professional, giving couples confidence that their ceremony will run smoothly.
Blending Faiths and Beliefs with Sensitivity
For couples from different spiritual or religious backgrounds, wedding ceremony traditions can be a delicate subject. Joanna emphasizes the importance of addressing faiths in a way that feels respectful, but not overwhelming. “I tell couples it’s important to find ways to recognize all the relevant faiths without making them the focus of the whole ceremony,” she says.
Joanna has a term for this gentle touch: the “God shout out,” where religion is acknowledged briefly, but without overshadowing the entire ceremony. For those couples where faith isn’t central, this approach ensures everyone feels included, without the ceremony becoming overly religious.
Breaking from Tradition with Memorable Touches
While many couples appreciate the comfort of tradition, others prefer to break the mould. Joanna has officiated numerous weddings where couples have chosen unique elements that reflect their personalities and passions. One of her favourite examples is a couple who met while cosplaying and planned an entire Princess Bride-themed wedding, with all guests (including Joanna) dressed in costume. Another memorable ceremony saw the wedding party welcoming guests with applause as they arrived, flipping the traditional roles.
“My absolute favourite are the heartfelt vows, where they both pledge to love and take care of the other regardless of whether they have children or achieve other traditional goals,” Joanna shares. These moments, brimming with sincerity and emotion, are what make each ceremony unforgettable.
***
Navigating the complexities of wedding ceremony traditions while making space for personal expression can feel overwhelming, but with an officiant like Joanna Miller, couples can rest assured that their ceremony will strike the perfect balance. By blending timeless customs with a modern approach, Joanna’s ceremonies honour love in all its forms, ensuring that every couple, no matter their background, walks away with a ceremony that feels uniquely theirs.
For engaged couples feeling the weight of tradition, Joanna’s guidance offers a reminder that your wedding day is ultimately about celebrating your love in the way that feels right for you.
